The situation is more common than you may think…. Your partner mentions that she/he talked to THAT friend and wants to all meet for dinner this weekend. Your stomach drops, you may feel a little sweaty, and your head fills with absolute dread. Not THAT friend… “Can’t we meet with any other friends but THAT friend…?”
Cue the signs of a toxic friendship. Toxic relationships can exist for any type of relationship, including friends, family, romantic relationships, coworkers, etc. Toxic relationships can include a range of symptoms, but many exist with similar types of signs. Many of these signs include:
· People that continually violate boundaries that you have set for yourself and your relationships (including your expressed needs or desires)
· People that blame you or other people for circumstances that aren’t your fault
· People that continually cause you to feel guilty for some reason or another after your interactions with them
· People that you don’t genuinely look forward to seeing, and you dread your interactions with them
· People that criticize you frequently, rather than encourage you or support you
· People that tend to be negative frequently or complain often
· People that gossip frequently, are often jealous of others, or put others down often
There are some common reasons that people feel unable to end toxic relationships for good, that may fall into certain categories:
· Family or Proximity: This person comes as a package deal. It could be a friend or family member of your partner, or a close friend of one of your good friends. Maybe it’s your own family member, and it’s a complicated relationship that would mean having to cut off relationships with other family members too.
· Context: This person is someone who you may only see in certain contexts. As a result, it can be easy to brush off their toxicity or tell yourself that “if I only see this person in certain contexts then their toxicity isn’t really affecting me…”.
· History: This is a person that you have known forever. Ending the relationship would feel like a BIG deal, due to the shared history you have. Because of your history together, you may have shared relationships or friends. You feel personally invested due to how much time you have put into this relationship.
· Romance: Ahhh….. romance. When “like” or “love” is involved, it becomes even more difficult to see someone’s toxicity clearly. You may stay with the toxic person because you hope that they may eventually change or you reason that their good qualities outweigh their toxic patterns.
Whatever the reason may be, you deserve to have supportive and loving relationships that aren’t toxic! Improving or ending a toxic relationship can feel like a big decision and may take courage or weighing the pros and cons. If you’d like to talk to an unbiased professional about coping with your toxic relationship, contact Type1Talk Counseling at dr.carroll@type1talkcounseling.com or 469-404-8007